“Rufus and Wilbur” Series

There are 3 so far with number 4 on the way…

Rufus and Wilbur ( Inventers Beware )



Deep in the city of Stucktomyshoe
Lived an inventive young man called Rufus Magoo.
He spent most of his time locked up in his shop
Making little gadgets that went flippity-flop.
He made what-chya-ma-callums and thing-a-ma-things
That spun just for fun or sometimes would cling
To the leg of your trousers or get caught in your hair.
So the sign in his yard said, “Inventors: BEWARE!”

Now Rufus’s partner, Wilbur Magee,
Was a brilliant young man, but no one could see
Just how big they were destined to be.
“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “one day they will see
Our names in the paper, I guarantee.
They’ll have a parade and they’ll give us the key!
Then her highness The Queen will invite us for tea.”
“Wilbur,” said Rufus, “I’d have to agree.
The history books from A down through Z
Will mention our names to some great degree:
The greatest creators were Magoo and Magee!”

You’re probably wondering, “What did they make?”
Well, things that would rattle and prattle and shake
And one great big waste bin that ate nothing but cake.
They made sprockets for rockets, though none could be found.
Rockets, that is, they had sprockets abound!
They made gizmos and whizmos, large clickity-clanks,
A fleet of concrete but gave up when they sank.
There were flying and frying square-doughnut machines,
Even a toaster that ran on pure steam.
There were so many others, too numerous to name,
Each one they were certain would bring them much fame.

One day while inventing inventible things,
The bell on their door went a ring-a-ling-ling.
Then in through the mail slot and onto the floor,
Came a notable note that was tied with a string.
“Wilbur,” said Rufus, “this is too big to ignore!
I found this here note on the floor by the door.
Two tickets inside, for a party it seems,
In the Palace’s gardens put on by the Queen.
A fabulous gala, a black tie affair,
To properly ponder her stunning new hair.”
“But Wilbur,” said Rufus, “There is something more,
The number on top says four-hundred and four.
It would seem that the mailman was in a daydream
For this house is numbered four-hundred-fourteen.”

“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “I forgot to relay,
I did notice something when I got here today.
It seems that the “-teen” on your door has been lost,
So I see how the mail just might have been crossed.
Why would the queen invite us to the bash
When the cream we invented gave her a rash?
It turned her skin purple, then yellow and green. She grew
A brown mustache then she started to scream.”
“Magoo,” said Magee, Don’t you recall?
We were quickly escorted right out of the ball!
The Queen, she was screaming and turning all blue,
Shaking her finger, “I’ll deal with you two!
And Rufus,” said Wilbur, “this one is BIG:

“Wilbur,” said Rufus, “You worry too much.
She could not have meant it, no, not about us.
This is our chance, I’m sure you’ll agree,
To reclaim our names in books A down through Z.
I’ve no doubt about it, we’ll make history.
We can bring all our gizmos, the thing-a-ma-things,
By the time it’s over, all the people will sing.
Their voices will carry high into the air.
Then the Queen will forget all about her old hair.
But if you’ll feel better, if you think that it’s wise,
We’ll not tell a soul. We’ll just wear a disguise.”

The day finally came, so Magoo and Magee
Loaded their wagon with creative debris.
They had what-chya-ma-callums and thing-a-ma-things
That spun just for fun and sometimes would cling
To the leg of your trousers or get caught in your hair.
That’s why the sign on they’re shop said, “Inventers: BEWARE!”
They had gizmos and whizmos, large clickity-clanks,
Flying and frying square-doughnut machines.
They even brought toasters that ran on pure steam.
When the wagon was piled way up to the sky,
They went into the house to put on their disguise.
The garden was packed full of people that day,
All talking
And squawking
And spreading hearsay.
There were tables of food, a most feastable feast.
They even had drinks from the “Fartherest Reach!

Magoo spied a table next to the swing
Filled to the brim with chocolaty things.
“Magee,” said Magoo, “look next to those doors.
The Queen put her favorite chocolaty porridge.
Magoo reached around to a sack on his back,
Then he brought forth a gadget all shiny and black.
What he held in his hands was a thing-a-ma-thing.
“I’ll just put one of those on top of this spring,
Fly it on over in front of The Queen.
When she sees it’s her favorite dish that it brings,
She’ll smile a big smile, she’ll forget everything.”
Magee looked at Magoo and Magoo at Magee,
Then said, “Wilbur, don’t worry,
It will work. You will see.
I know what you’re thinking,
but that won’t happen because
I stayed up all night just to work out the bugs.”

So Magoo put a couple on a thing-a-ma-thing,
Then sent it away in search of the Queen.
But just as the porridge was hovering in mid-air,
It bumped into a tree limb and fell on her new hair.
It landed on top of her head with a PLOP!
She screamed then she bellowed,
She reached up to feel the goop on her head.
Then she looked at her fingers and turned really red.
She screamed and she steamed,
She let out a long cry,
She looked all around then finally spied
Magoo and Magee in a simple disguise.

She pointed her finger for everyone to see,
Then screamed to her guards, “BRING THEM TO ME!”
Magoo and Magee were hastily led
In front of the Queen who was still really quite red.
She looked at the two men, then turned as she said,
“Sometime tomorrow, off with their heads.”
“Queen, hear me out,” cried Wilbur Magee.
“I know of this place across the great sea,
A spout or a spigot, I tell you the truth,
The name of this place is the Fountain of Youth.”
Hearing these words, the Queen turned around.
“Good bye and good riddance, don’t come back till it’s found.”
They jumped to their feet and ran for the gate,
Scattering people, and shattering plates.

“Wilber!” puffed Rufus, “I’ve never heard of this place.”
Magee kept on running, with a smile on his face.
“Neither have I, but we’ll search high and low,
And if we don’t find it at least we’ll grow old.”
A guard turned to The Queen, “You don’t really believe,
Yet you let both those scoundrels run out of here free?”
The Queen turned and smiled, “You’re a fool, don’t you see?
I’m finally rid of Magoo and Magee!”

So starts the journey of Magoo and Magee
to reclaim their names in books A down through Z.
A journey that might just guarantee
the names Rufus and Wilbur their own history.

Rufus and Wilbur ( Out to See )

Rufus Magoo and Wilbur Magee
Took the Queen’s ship and set off to sea.
Now normally, this wouldn’t be quite so bad,
But the ship that they took was the only one that she had.

“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “Are you sure she won’t mind?
It seems that the Queen might think it unkind!
Stealing her ship is a REALLY BIG crime
With capital punishment and criminal time.”

“Wilbur,” said Rufus, “Don’t make such a fuss!
Sometimes, I swear, you just worry too much.
She told us herself, with everyone there,
To search for a potion to grow back her long hair.
She said it out loud, you know it’s the truth,
She sent us in search of the Fountain of Youth.

So we emptied our houses and emptied the shop
Of all of the things that go flippity – flop,
The what-chya-ma-callums and thing-a-ma-things,
We brought everything we could possibly bring!
Then I went to the bank for this big chest of gold
To pay for the journey about to unfold.”

“Rufus,” asked Wilbur, “They gave you this chest
Without any questions, they didn’t protest?
They must have been busy working, it seems,
For the tag on this bag says: PROPERTY OF THE QUEEN!”

“Well now,” said Rufus, “It did seem a bit odd
When I got to the bank and the doors were all locked.
So, I knocked and I knocked and I clanged on the bell
And the next thing you know, well, the door, it just fell.

Then I went to peek in and I saw this big chest,
So I figured they left it to pay for this quest.
I thought it quite rude that no one was near
To help load the gold, so I just dragged it here.”

“YOU DRAGGED this chest here,” cried Wilbur Magee,
“In the middle of the day, right down the main street!
I hope that you thought a moment or two
To at least find some help or hire a crew.”

“Well, I’ll have you know,” said Rufus Magoo,
“I hired the best ship sailing crew!
When I asked if they ever sailed on a ship,
They all answered, ‘Yes!’ Why certainly they did.
They sailed a Happy Rodger and walked many ships planks,
In all their time sailing, only three of them sank.
They knew about knots they knew about rigs
And spent many months in a place called the Brig.”

“You mean Jolly Rodger?” cried Wilbur Magee,
For what he was hearing, he could not believe!
“Jolly or Happy, it all means the same,
When they saw that big chest, they all happily came.”

Oh look,” pointed Rufus, “What a great day!
The Queen sends her wishes and a big, big parade.”
When Wilbur looked out across the ship’s yard,
He saw many men marching and all of them guards.
He started yelling, “Get this ship underway!”
And the guards began running and making headway.

So, he started a bunch of thing-a-ma-things
And whizmos and gizmos he started to fling
All of the gadgets across the ship’s yard,
Tripping and slowing, almost stopping the guards.

By the time they all pulled the last one out of their hair,
The guards all let out a long sigh of despair.
For all would now suffer the Queen’s iron glare,
‘Cause nailed to the back of the ship with great care
Was a sign that read simply: Inventors BEWARE!

Now the guard who was chosen to deliver the news
Was shaking and quaking inside of his shoes.
He tried to get out of the task with a plea,
“I’m too young not quite thirty I’ve a family, you see.”
But they wouldn’t listen, not a word, no-sir-ree
So the others all followed so he would not just flee.

He got to the door and he stood there a bit,
Wheezing and sneezing and feeling quite sick.
He knocked on it once, but all he could hear
Was the noise in his stomach crying in fear.
He knocked on it twice, shaking with fright,
When a noise from inside made his face turn all white.
The third time he knocked wasn’t really a charm,
For the voice from inside caused him so much alarm.
“KNOCK ONE MORE TIME and I’ll cause you great harm!”

Well, that was all that he needed to hear,
He sprang from the steps and then disappeared.
He left his poor family and left all his friends,
Left his dog “Happy” and was never heard from again.

The Captain ran up in front of the door,
As it swung opened wide and his knees hit the floor.
“Queen, I am sorry. I’ll leave, but not before,
I must tell you some news that I can’t just ignore.”

“Captain,” said the Queen, “You needn’t bow at my feet,
I was just in the middle of my beauty sleep.
Now get off the floor, where you lie in a heap,
And tell me your news. I don’t have all week!”

“Well, Queen,” said the Captain, “It’s Magoo and Magee,
Seems they’ve taken a ship then sailed off to sea.
We tried to prevent them, but failed miserably,
So I came here to give you our apologies.”

“Captain,” replied the Queen, “I’ve waited so long
To be rid of those two, and now that they’re gone,
We’ll throw a big party, a feastable feast!
We’ll even have drinks imported from the Far East.”

“Queen,” said the Captain, “there’s just one more thing.
They went to the bank and took everything!
They took all your gold, including the chest,
Dragged it down main street of this, I don’t jest.
They did leave one bag and this bottle for you
In the bottle is perfume, in the bag IOU’s.”

The Queen’s face turned all red, she was going to explode,
“Ready the fleet! We will chase those two toads.”
“Umm, Queen,” said the Captain, “We haven’t a fleet,
If you recall, they were all made of concrete.
They sunk in the harbor, you can just see the masts.”
“Well,” said the Queen, “You’d better build a ship fast!”

She grabbed the small bottle, went back to her room,
Where she plotted and knotted and jotted their doom.
The note on the bottle read: From Magoo and Magee,
So she lifted the stopper and it did smell so sweet.
She dabbed just a little on her neck and her cheeks,
And the next thing you know, she grew a long tail and big feet.

Later that night, on the ship out to sea,
Magoo said to his friend, Wilbur Magee,
“This is our chance, our own destiny,
To find us a place in books A down to Z!
A voyage through the pages of our history,
To discover the world, we are now out to see.”

Rufus and Wilbur ( Land Ohh! )

Rufus and Wilbur and the ship sailing crew
Were sailing away, but nobody knew
Just where they were going,
They seemed lost at sea.
They were zigging and zagging
In circles it seemed.

“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “something’s not right.
We’ve been sailing for weeks and I still see the lights
Of all of the houses and I still smell the stew
That the people are cooking in Stucktomyshoe.
If you will look really closely, standing in line
At the edge of the dock, someone’s holding a sign.
She’s shaking her fist, she’s causing a scene,
And I don’t need the sight glass to know its The Queen.
Now I can’t read it all, but the very last line
Says, ‘I’ll get you! I’ll get you,

“Wilbur,” said Rufus, “I hear what you say,
But the way that you worry, your hair will turn gray.
Now I talked to The Captain and the rest of the crew,
We’ll be on our way as soon as they’re through
Fixing the hole where the cannon exploded.
They really didn’t know the thing was still loaded.
It shattered the compass and tore down the mast,
It hit The Queen’s castle with a terrible blast.
The mast has been fixed, but the compass, I fear,
Is broken for good — at least it appears.
But the captain assured me he didn’t need it to steer,
So within a day’s time, we’ll be well out of here.”

“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “I hope that he’s quick.
From here, I can see the guard’s building a ship.
Now it’s none of my business, I don’t mean to pry,
But The Captain wears patches, one on each eye.
He told all of us the big gun wasn’t loaded
Seconds before the whole thing just exploded.
It tore through the ship and hit The Queen’s palace,
So she couldn’t be mad, especially not at us.
I’m sure she will listen when we try to explain
It was all just an accident, so no one’s to blame.
She’ll give us a chance to clear our good names
Right before she has both of us locked up in chains.”

“Well,” said Magoo, “now this is so slick,
I’ve been working on something that might do the trick.
It’s attached to the ship with this really long stick,
Then runs up the mast to those spinning machines.
Where it’s attached to the back with a series of springs.
Some of the gadgets we brought from the shop,
Including the ones that go flippity flop.
Then what-chya-ma-callums, some thing-a-ma-things,
With whizmos and gizmos all tied with a string.
It will turn by the wind or turn just by hand,
Twisting and twisting on that big rubber band.
It’s attached to these gears on this end of the stick,
To the blade in the water and will move this big ship.”

“If it works, we’ll be rich — a really big seller!
I’ll call this here gizmo The Big Ship Propeller.”
“Well, what do you think?”

“But if it doesn’t work?” asked Magee.

“Well,” said Magoo, Then we’ll most likely sink…”

Magee and the rest of the ship sailing crew
Got themselves ready for what Magoo would now do.
With his hand on the lever, he pulled back the stick,
Then the ship started to lunge and violently twitch.
It leaped in the air and started to spin,
Then fell back to Earth and did it again.
The looks in their eyes was close to pure fright
And the skin on their faces turned three shades of white.
Then landing back down, to each one’s delight,
The ship sped away — clean out of sight.

Magoo and Magee started to dance
While the rest of the crew all changed their wet pants.
They were soaked to the bone from all the commotion,
Covered in seaweed and smelling like ocean.
Just when it looked like their luck might prevail,
Appearing beside them was a humongous grey whale.

He was acting really friendly,
And there was no pretending,
The look of true love in his eyes.
He was singing a love song
About how his heart longed —
Such a heart-wrenching whale lullaby!

“Rufus,” said Wilbur, “I think we’re in trouble.
We should get out of here – Right Now, on the double!”

“I’m afraid,” said Magoo, “that might be a problem.
We might have to lull him or, somehow, just stall him
While we rewind the propeller – So, just humor the feller.
It might take just awhile, but just look at him smile.”

“Me?” asked Magee. “Oh why, oh why, me
Must I be the one to invite him to tea?
You say it’s a smile, but all that I see
Are rows upon rows of pearly white teeth.”

“Magee,” said Magoo, “in my sack, take a peek,
There’s a potion in there that will put him to sleep.
He’ll rest for, maybe, an hour or two,
It’s just enough time for the crew to get through.
The propeller, it needs to be wound really tight,
Now get to work, man. We don’t have all night!”

“Well, Mr. Whale,” said Wilbur Magee,
“I hope you don’t take this too personally,
Your affections are a little misunderstood
For we’re not a whale, just a ship made of wood.
I’ll just stuff this here potion inside of this fish,
I hope that you find it’s a tasty whale dish.”

Wilbur did what Magoo said to do,
But instead of a snooze, the whale turned bright blue
With spots that were purple and some of them green.
It was the funniest thing that Wilbur had seen,
But the whale wasn’t laughing, he looked quite upset,
And right away Wilbur just started to sweat.

“Magoo!” yelled Magee, “I made a mistake,
Instead of  him sleeping, the whale’s wide awake.
At least he’s no longer in love with the ship,
But whatever you’re doing, PLEASE get it done quick!”

Magoo looked at the whale, “I see what you mean.
That’s the funniest whale that I’ve ever seen.

“Well the whale, he’s not laughing,” said Wilbur Magee,
So we’d better get moving or, I’ll guarantee,
We’ll be his next meal — an all you can eat.
Then instead of a place in books A down through Z,
We won’t get a chapter, we’ll be history!”

“Well, we’re not wound completely,” said Rufus Magoo,
“Of course, it’s the ship that I refer to.
But wherever we are, I guess it will do,
So hang onto your hats and bid him ado.”

With his hand on the lever, he pulled back the stick,
Then the ship started to lunge and violently twitch.
It leaped in the air and started to spin,
Then fell back to Earth and did it again.
The looks in their eyes was close to pure fright
And the skin on faces turned three shades of white.
Then landing back down, to each one’s delight,
The ship sped away — clean out of sight.

When the ship finally decided to run out of steam,
A voice from the crow’s nest let out a scream.
The ship came to a sudden, grinding, dead stop,
For it teetered upon a grassy hilltop.
A voice from above let everyone know,
The first mate announced, rather softly: “LAND OHHHH.”

“Let’s get things going,” Magoo said to Magee,
We finally found land, you’ll have to agree.
While the crew puts the ship back onto the sea,
Let’s do some exploring. There’s so much here to see!”

“This could make us both famous, both nominees,
To have our names placed in books A down through Z.
A bushel of trophies, a lighted marquee,
When Wilbur and Rufus both make history.”

While the thoughts of such stardom excited both men,
The whale was still thinking and plotting revenge.
Sooner or later, they would sail out again,
He would make them both pay — it was a matter of when.

The guard’s and The Queen, busy building their ship,
Soon would be ready to take the long trip,
And chase these two scoundrels across the great sea:
The continuing adventures of Magoo and Magee.

Somewhere on an island, I don’t quite know where,
There hangs from a tree, a sign: Inventor’s BEWARE!

now a glimpse at 4 (uncut, unedited) …

While the ship sailing crew all tended the ship
Rufus and Wilbur set out on a trip
They took a few gadgets
Some thing-a-ma-jigs
A whatchyamacallit
And a dozen small swigs
Of assorted strange potions
They stored in the brig
They brought water and cookies
To eat for a snack
Then they stuffed it all into a large burlap sack

“Rufus” said Wilbur, “shouldn’t we stay with the ship.”
“We should stick around here to help get it fixed
This island looks creepy, and I’m willing to bet
Before the days over we’ll somehow regret
That we didn’t stay back to help fix a torn sail
Or at least keep our eyes peeled
For one big pink whale.”
“Now I mention this last part with a bit of unease
But just hear me out for once if you please
The crew might take off, leaving us on our own
To fend for ourselves, way out here, all alone
We’d be stuck here forever until we grow old
the incentive they have is a chest full of gold.”

“Wilbur” said Rufus, “I hear what you say
But take it from me I wasn’t born yesterday
They may have the chest, but look here and see
Inside of my pocket, I have the key.”
“By the size of this island, it shouldn’t take long
If we leave right away, they won’t know that we’re gone
How much trouble could we possibly find
This island’s deserted so I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

“Oh,one more thing I know this to be true

the last time I seen him, the whale was bright blue.”

Rufus said Wilbur, they don’t need a key
They could break open the chest, while far out to sea
As for the trouble don’t think that I fuss
Though we never go looking, trouble always finds us

So Rufus and Wilbur set out on their trip
As the ship sailing crew all tended the ship
They pulled it, they pushed it, they give it a kick
They even tried prying with a very long stick
Huffing and puffing, turning a winch
The ship stated moving, one very small inch
The captain with patches, one for each eye
Shouted his orders and the crew shouted Aye (I)!

“Let’s get this thing moving, it belongs on the sea
It’s not a wagon with horses, it’s a ship don’t you see.”
“I know our two shipmates will return from their trip
With some kind of trouble, let’s be ready, let’s be quick.”

Now, our famous inventers hadn’t gone very far
When they stepped in a puddle that looked like black tar
“Rufus” cried Wilbur, “this hole of black ooze!”
“Has grabbed hold of my trousers and swallowed my shoes!”
“Now the Magoo’s maybe braver then all the Magee’s
But I’M scarred and I’M sinking, and I can’t see my knees.”
“Wilbur oh Wilbur” things aren’t as bad as they seem
We still have our heads so I suggest we both scream
I’m certain the captain and ship sailing crew
Will be able to hear us then we’re out of this goo.”
So they both started yelling, Wilbur started to weep
But the crew never heard them, they were all fast asleep

The captain woke up, then kicked his first mate
“stop all that yelling or I’ll make you fish bait!”

>let’s face it” said Wilbur, “no one can hear”
“we’ll sink in this muck till our face disappear
then they’ll come looking, they could search until spring
without finding a trace, except this orange colored string.”

“String! did you say? I didn’t bring one of those”
so Rufus looked up to see it was attached to some toes
of a man who standing there holding a spear
“Sir” pleaded Rufus, “help us get out of here.”

Rufus and Wilbur were helped out of the pit
then each one was tied to there very own stick
they’re arms and they’re legs were tied to an end
each carried away by two very strong men

“Wilbur”, cried Rufus “oh what a great day”
“this find that we found will bring fame straight our way
this island was thought deserted you see
we’ve discovered some natives oh hip hip horee”

“Rufus” cried Wilbur “this is not my first choice
of how to be rescued so please don’t rejoice.”
“I read one time Rufus, somewhere in some book
that a few native tribes shrink your head on a hook
or cook you in water with onions and yams
then eat you for dinner, like a big leg of lamb.”

“Oh Wilbur”, “Oh Wilbur”, “What am I to do
I don’t think that these natives, want us in there stew
just think for a minute, then you’ll agree
this could win us a place in books A down through Z
we could discover a new people, learn how they talk
or why they tie strings on their toes when they walk
we would win the queens favor, be the talk of the town
go down in history!” cried Rufus, “for what we have found.”

“Yes”, mumbled Wilbur,
“look all around”,
“we’re tied to these sticks
and hang upside down.”

now the captains first mate was a likable chap
who’s last name was Rubbish so they all called him Scrap
they all thought him simple, the rest of the crew
except for the captain
for he really knew
that Scrap wasn’t simple
oh, no not a bit
he was really quite bright, as smart as a whip
to be continued…


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