The Dark Side

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This page is not for everyone, the subject’s,  and language in some of the post may offend and even bother some people. I deal with subject matter such as “Rape”, “Addiction”, “Gang Violence”, etc.  None of what you will read on this page is pornographic. I just try to address some things that are a reality of the world we live in. Before each piece I will try to give a little glimpse of  “my thinking” to give a better idea of where the thought process came from. Anyway here it is.

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Author notes:

This is about something I saw on some news program awhile back.
I would never in a million years think for even a second that I would be able to even feel for a second what someone would go through in a rape situation. I just felt it was something that needed put down in words. This sort of crime is one of the most heinous crimes against women or another human being. This goes out with my deepest sympathies to whoever may have been in this situation and are still able to talk about it….

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“Rape”

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My spirit flew!


I tried so long to make the team,
Worked so hard for it.
I can’t wait to tell my mom!
She was a cheerleader, too —
She’ll be so proud.

I was running home.
(Home)

Where am I?
I’m so scared.
(What did I do wrong?
God, please tell me —
What did I do wrong?)

There’s something sticking in my back
(A rock, a stick?)
God, where am I?

I can hear birds
Over the laughter.

I can see the clouds,
Birds,
Why can’t I see
Them!

The laughter.
(God, the laughter…)
It’s so LOUD.
I can’t talk.

(I can’t scream.)
There’s something in my mouth,
It’s choking me.
Why can’t I see Them?
(God, my head hurts)

There’s something in my eyes.
(It’s warm.)
I can taste blood.
Why?!

Why can’t I see Them?
They’re hurting me!
I’m naked?
Oh God, I’m NAKED!

I can feel Them.
I can feel Them pulling my legs.
I can feel Them
Inside me.

God, why can’t I see Them?
I feel pain, so much pain.
Something keeps sticking in my chest —
In and out, over and over,
It hurts and I still can’t

SCREAM!

I can’t feel my arms,
My legs.
(God my head hurts
So much)
Why can’t I see Them?
Why can’t I see?
Why?

Finally, I’m falling asleep.
(Sleep)
I can’t feel the pain —
Anymore.
(Sleep)
Oh God, it must be a dream
A bad dream.
(Sleep)

I’m a cheerleader —
Finally!
Mom will be so proud.
(Sleep)

God, why can’t I see Them?
I need to wake up.
(Sleep)

I can smell flowers,
They are beautiful.
(I can smell them, but…)
Why can’t I see Them?

No.
Not flowers.

Gasoline?
(Gasoline!)
Oh God, I’m so hot,
I feel like I’m burning.
I must wake up!
But, I’m so tired.

I have to tell my mom —
I’m a cheerleader!
(God why can’t I see Them?)

I smell
Burning —
I’m so hot,
I’m so tired,
I can’t wake up.

Mom would be so proud.
(I’m a cheerleader)

My spirit flew!

(Sleep)

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Author notes:

Sometimes the city is a vacuum, a black whole
It sucks you up and spits you out on the other side
Whatever and wherever the other side is….
This is especially true for young people.
So who are the victims…Teach Your Children Well
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“Victims”

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So what the fuck do I care about this pathetic world
All I have to do is make it to tomorrow
One fucking midnight at a time
‘Cause I’m real
I’m the real deal
Bet your ass

And you better feel me when I walk by
‘Cause if you don’t
My mug shot will open you up
like a fucking soup can
And when I reach around you
to grab that fat stack
in your pocket
I’ll stick my heart up your ass
‘Cause that’s where it belongs

Just like the hookers on the corner
Having to carry scissors around
Just to pinch a loaf

Fuck them

They think they know pain
Pain like licking the cum out of some John’s ass
Pain like the cuts that dance on my face

I didn’t care
Let ’em cut me
Those fuckers were too stupid to know
The crack was in my left hand
Balled into a fist
The one I fought back with
And I didn’t drop a rock

Pain
Fuck pain
It’s just a word

Like the fucking judge
Telling me
The difference between
A Friday night cruise
And grand theft auto
Is a word:

PERMISSION

Fuck him
And his words
He doesn’t know one thing about the street
About homeless
He can’t touch me anyway
‘Cause I’m a juvey

So what the fuck do I care about this pathetic world
All I have to do is make it to tomorrow
One fucking midnight at a time
Cause I’m real
I’m the real deal

Bet your ass…

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Author notes:

There are many forms of addiction
And they make victims of everyone involved
My father died of alcoholism a year ago
And in the year previous to that we had made our amends
It’s a scary thing complicated by the feelings, or lack of
Watching my father’s life taught me one thing
His fight left me with a gift, one I will forever be indebted to him for
That gift:
Sometimes in order to win, we must simply surrender…

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“Victims 2”

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Exist?

I don’t need to exist.
Fuck that mirror,
Fuck all the mirrors!
Those reflections lie.
That aint me,

That person doesn’t exist.
Ask anybody.
Anybody…
They’ll tell you.

I was the life of the party,
But now they don’t invite me.
I’m just obnoxious
Outcast
Unclean
They treat me like some 
Fucking Leper,
I don’t exist.
Fuck them!
All they can talk about 
Is the times I pissed myself.

So I broke a few mirrors…
Fuck those reflections,
Mirrors lie.
Who cares about 
The blood on the carpet.
They don’t know,
That’s not pain.

Fuck pain.
Cuts aren’t pain,
Feelings are pain.

And I don’t have to feel…

I don’t want to feel,
Feelings get in the way.
Fuck feelings.

Friends, family, kids —
They just run away.
Who cares…
‘Cause all of that shit,
It just equals feelings,
Fuck feelings!

I know how to handle feeling.
I know how to feel, 
I know how to feel
Better…

Just one more drink,
I know how to feel
Better…
I don’t need anybody 
telling me
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Fuck HALT!
I don’t need to HALT!
Those are feelings.
So I slipped,
Slipped.
At least I didn’t have far to fall.

I know I can do it,
I know I can do it
On my own.
I know how to feel,
I know how to feel 
Better…
Just one more drink.

At least I don’t have far to fall.
The doctor tells me I’m dying,
My liver
My pancreas
My stomach.
Fuck the doctor.
He’s a fool —
He doesn’t realize…
I’m already 
Dead. 

Fuck mirrors,
Fuck those reflections,
Mirrors lie.

That’s not me,
I don’t 

Exist…

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Authors notes:

I think this one needs no explanation, it’s a sad, sad world somtimes….

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“In The Dark”

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In the dark
daddy touches me,
says I’m pretty,
his little girl.

Middle of the night
whispers in my ear,
“Don’t tell mommy.
It would make her sad,
it would make her cry,
I’d make mommy
say goodbye.”

but daddy…I’m so afraid

I want to be your
Little Angel,
I want to make you
smile,
I want to play
more games with you.

Daddy, please say
I’m worthwhile…

I’m so
confused
So
confused

Daddy makes me cry,
Oh Daddy,
I’m so afraid.

She thinks
no one knows,
but sometimes,
I hear Mommy
Crying, too.

Why do I make
Mommy
Daddy
so sad?

In the dark, tonight,
I’m alone.
I can feel warm blood,
it runs down my hands,
puddles
on the floor.
My fears drain
away
In the dark.

Goodbye Mommy
Goodbye Daddy

I’m so sorry…

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